Pain of Loss
by Fiara Fantasy
Summary: The Doctor's hurting and Rose unknowingly says just the wrong thing. 9Rose


**Pain of Loss**

**I couldn't really think of a title for this piece so this one will have to do. I haven't seen any of the old series so I hope I wasn't too far off with my references. If I was, Oh Well! Enjoy and review anyway. It's the only way these get better!**

"So, Adam get the tour?" The doctor asked without looking up from whatever he was doing.

"Yep. TARDIS gave him a room an' everything. Watcha doin'?" Rose replied, trying to see over his shoulder.

"Oh, nothin' much. Just tweaking..." he gasped suddenly at a flare of pain and bent almost double, arms coming up around his torso.

"Doctor? What's wrong?" Rose steadied him before he hit the floor.

"Nothing to worry about," he managed when he could stand again. "Dr. Vanstan had the device he scanned me with set at the wrong calibration for my species. He couldn't have known. Or maybe he does and he's just a sadist."

"He tortured you?" She looked horrified.

"Not exactly…" she glared, "Yes" Why could he never lie to her?

"Your tweaking can wait. Fix whatever's wrong with you first."

He nodded quietly and headed down the corridor to where the TARDIS usually hid the infirmary.

Rose watched him with hawk's eyes while he snatched one of the few painkillers that worked on Time Lords and jabbed the syringe into his wrist without flinching, giving and involuntary moan of relief when the horrible ache that had settled into his torso suddenly vanished.

"What did he do to you?" Rose asked, her voice unusually low.

"I let slip I was the last of my kind, so he did his usual. He used an alien scanner to look at my internal systems

"Really?"

"Mmhhmm," the Doctor replied, heading towards the door.

"That's it?" Rose asked, incredulous.

"Yep. All I needed."

"You know, I've been thinking," Rose said quietly.

"Oh?" The Doctor replied, turning to lean against the door frame.

"You and the Dalek weren't that different, quite similar in some ways actually."

The Doctor's hands clenched into fists, his gaze darkening as he stared at Rose.

"Doctor?" The quiet question was laced with fear.

He turned and left.

_tardis _

"Doctor?" Rose poked her head around the dark blue door to see the Doctor curled into a semi- circle across what looked to be a queen bed.

He stiffened then said, "No ones ever found my room before."

"Really?" Rose walked over towards him and sat on the edge, not close enough to touch him, and rubbed her feet across the cool dark slate tile floor. The walls were the same material dotted with almost empty shelves as well as the ceiling. The air was cold. The dark stone's pattern was only broken by a large window in the far wall that looked out at endless indigo hills and a midnight sky covered in stars with two silver moons rising in the distance. It was beautiful.

"Gallifrey," Rose guessed.

"Yes."

"Doctor, I'm so sorry, I never should have said what I did."

"It's not your fault Rose."

"I said it."

"Anybody would ask what you did. It's normal. I had no right to get angry at you."

Rose reached over and laid a hand on his back, rubbing gentle circles. She almost thought she heard him sigh.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? Gallifrey. Its winter now, the snows all covered with snow creepers, just like it's supposed to be. The air even feels the same, but it's not Gallifrey. "

Rose felt her heart ache at the pain in his voice.

"On Gallifrey you can smell the orchards here even though there miles away, and you can feel the Eye Of Harmony down a ways south, an' you can hear the singing of the time rifts a long ways west, an' the sun feels like liquid ivory on your skin, an' you can go visit the tower of Rassilon to the east and make Romana find some time to talk to you because she always knows what you're trying to say even if you don't. But all that's gone Rose because of me."

Rose didn't think she could say something even if she had the words. She slowly lay down behind him and pressed against his back, offering what comfort she could.

He did sigh this time. Then twisted so that they were front to front and his arms were wrapped around her tight. "I don't deserve you."

"Well too bad. I'm not leaven' you." Rose rested her head on his chest so she could hear his odd double heartbeat.

He buried his lips in her hair and she felt him smile.


End file.
